A Butterfly is Born

Oh, Tubby…

I’m supposed to be writing a tribute to you and what your life meant to me and I’ve been sitting here for so long just watching a blinking line on the screen. 

It’s not that I don’t remember your life, I remember everything!  Putting it into words is the hard part but I’m going to try… 

You were the most beautiful puppy!  Would you believe I didn’t even want to keep you?  I wanted to keep your fat little brother who I named Boomer.  I would pick on him about eating so much and being so heavy that he would go boom, boom, boom when he walked.  He was one of the first ones to go – and you were the last, you and your sister LuLubelle so we kept you both.  I don’t know what made me name you Abigail but it seemed to fit you – until you bloomed into a very round and curvy girl! 

I remember taking you both out on the truck with us when we still drove over the road.  Potty training two puppies in a truck is not easy!  I was driving late one night and you were struggling so hard to crawl up on the organizer box we had beside the driver’s seat to get into my lap.  I finally realized what you were doing so I helped you up – I wish I would’ve realized WHY you wanted up there!  Next thing I knew my lap got very warm – and wet!  I pulled over pretty quick after that, changed pants and took you and LuLu both out to potty.  Last year, on our last long trip together, you tried to get in my lap again – all 60 something pounds of you!  Even then, I thought you were just being sweet… 

We took quite a few trips in your short 7 years here, didn’t we?  You always liked to ride and you were always such a wonderful little co-pilot.  You never complained about my driving and you would listen to me when I talked to you and you even tolerated my horrible singing!  I hope you liked the song You Are So Beautiful to Me since I sang it to you so much.  You Are My Sunshine was one of my favorites to sing to you, too.  That’s what you were to me, Tubby, MY sunshine! 

My sunshine is gone now, you took it with you when you left me!  I couldn’t believe that it actually started raining when I was leaving to come be with you at the vet for the last time.  Everyone tried to talk me into taking another night off but I just couldn’t come home after letting you go, it would have been too hard.  It started raining again once I was on the road in the big truck but then it stopped again and I saw the most beautiful rainbow!  Was that you, Tubby?  Were you telling me it was going to be alright and that you would always be with me?  I miss you, Tubby, so very, very much! 

You always did like the rain.  I remember I would go outside if I couldn’t find you and there you would be, sitting in the rain like that was perfectly normal.  You liked anything that involved water and that always made my heart smile.  Remember your kiddie pool I got you one summer?  You were so young then!  You and Tucker would run and jump in it over and over.  You were so chubby back then that the side of the poor pool finally just stayed bent inward.  You liked to swim so much that I had to get you a life jacket when we went to the river.  You had so much fun with Tucker and Doodlebug that day!  Poor Tucker, you and Doodlebug took turns knocking him down and rolling him around in the sand!  He was so little then and he really believed you were his mommy!  You did an amazing job of raising him like he was your own.  He really misses you, Tubby, we all do but Tucker’s taking it pretty hard and I feel so bad for him. 

I never understood why you accepted Tucker the way you did when he wasn’t a Basset Hound or a Dachshund.  Do you remember one year at the Basset Bash how you and Miss Betty were fussing at a non-Basset that was there?  I do, and I have pictures to prove it!  That poor dog probably thought you two were nuts!  It was the same thing at the park when they had Pet Day – I always had to walk around and find someone that had a Basset with them just so you would calm down and behave!  Here we were, following total strangers around so you could be close to one of your own kind. Then I started bringing the wieners home and you thought it was your purpose in life to protect them all!  I was never clear on what exactly you were protecting them from but look out if one of them cried! 

You were always such a fighter so I’m having a hard time understanding why you just gave up so easily!  I begged you so many times our last night together to fight and to get better but you just let go.  I thought you were feeling better when I held your face in my hands with tears running down mine but I guess you were just trying to make me feel better.  You were always so good at doing that, Tubby!  Anytime I was sad or upset you would do something to make me smile.  I’ll always remember all the times you came to me, sat up on your butt and moved your front feet up and down like you were bouncing a ball.  Or how you would come up, put your paws on my shoulders and lay your chin on my neck as if to give me a hug and let me know everything was going to be alright.  I don’t have anyone to do that now, Tubby, and it’s not going to be alright this time… 

Why did you leave us, Tubby?  Did you miss Arthur Dale that much or did you accomplish with your life what you were meant to?  The only thing you accomplished by leaving me was to rip my world apart and break my heart into a million pieces…  It’s hard to even breathe without you here.  I have to keep going for the others but it’s hard because we’re all hurting so much.  There is still so much of you here, so much you left behind and so much left un-done…  What about our Christmas picture?  Pet Day at the park is coming up.  Things were fixing to get better, we were getting a house and you could sleep in the big bed with me again…  You weren’t supposed to go so soon!  I honestly thought you would live to be a very old lady. 

Just taking a bath hurts because I remember how much you loved your baths and how you would run and jump in the tub if I told you to come sit with me while I took a bath.  I miss how you would always know somehow that I would be pulling up from work and you would be all alone out there waiting for me.  How many times did I leave and you would be out there in your spot watching me and I would roll down the window and yell that I love you as I was pulling away?  I miss how you would fly through the doggy door like you had been shot out of a cannon to come greet me when I got inside.

I miss how you would sing to me, you had the most beautiful voice!  Arrrooooooo…  I miss how you would lay your chin in my lap in the car.  I miss how you would lay directly behind me when I was getting everyone’s food ready, I even miss tripping over you.  I miss how you would get a bowl down off the counter after I had picked it up because you thought there might be something left in it.  I miss watching you walk and run in the yard.  I miss every single thing about you, Tubby. 

I truly hope that you knew how much I loved you before you left!  I pray that you understood that my letting you go was an act of love, not unkindness.  I honestly hope that you enjoyed your life, I sure did, every minute of it.  It was an honor to be your mom, Tubby, you made my life wonderful while you were in it.  You were such a joy and a blessing to me and as long as I live I will never forget you. 

Thank you for the beautiful butterfly you sent me, I had been waiting and watching for it.  I love you, Tubby, with all my heart – I hope I said that to you enough.  I will see you again one day and when I get there please be sure to be at the front of the line!  Until then, please take care of all the others that have gone on before you – there are several Bassets and Wieners that would love to see you, and one very special Bear… 

Miss Abigail “Tubby” Harvison

June 19, 2001 – September 9, 2008